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How's my mental health today?

I'm been venturing close to the edge again - playing a little "chicken" with my vulnerability.

I took a couple days off from writing this past weekend so I had some time to fill. I plugged in one of my external hard drives to copy a file on it. When I opened the files on the storage drive I found a large folder of music that I hadn't listened to for a few years now. As I browsed through the music files I toyed with the idea of listening to some of it.

My music collection includes a wide range of genres and artists. Very few, if any of the musical titles have ever made a "top ten" list. I like music that is different from the norm; music that reveals the artists' creative quirks and twists. My preference of music has been called 'bad' by one person, 'eclectic' by another. I prefer the 'eclectic' label.

I listened primarily to classical music up until my mid-twenties - after all, I was an aspiring classical musician. Jazz began to creep into my musical preferences when I was invited to a Jazz Club in Hanover, Germany a few months before my 20th birthday. Classical and jazz still remain as the musical genres that I can get the most absorbed in.

Artists that mess with musical forms, adding unique twists to them fascinate me. Especially when they take long existing compositions and incorporate them into a comedic routine. I get a kick out of artists like Victor Borge. My favourite remains PDQ Bach - a creation of Peter Schickele. His cleverly ridiculous and sometimes outrageous mockery of classical music forms and compositions frequently leaves me in stitches.

As I browsed through my music files, I came across my collection of PDQ Bach. I looked over the selections and wondered if I might find some PDQ Bach on Youtube. Lo and behold, I discovered a lot of PDQ Bach and so much more. I went exploring, listening and watching one youtube clip after another.

When Heidi came home from work I was playing an assortment of my music files. She sat down and listened along with me. After 15 or 20 minutes she stated how happy she was to see me listen to music again. She didn't think it would be a problem for me as it had been so often in the past.

She was wrong! I had trouble sleeping that night. Thankfully, the music spinning in my head didn't get out of control. When it does, my mental health suffers.

Do I need to refrain from music completely? Do I want to?

I don't want to answer those questions yet.