Wednesday, March 21, 2012

A Timely Appointment

How's my mental health today?

I'll be discussing that with my psychiatrist this morning.

Yesterday had a weird feel to it.

The weeks of irregular and insufficient sleep caught up with me. I got up early (6ish), sat down to check my email and realized I had no connection to the Internet. I didn't have the energy to deal with it so I went back to bed. I woke up again about 3 hours later and fired up the computer again. Still no Internet.

I shut down the computer and unplugged my modem and wireless router. I came back to it fifteen minutes later and plugged everything back in. When all the lights on the modem and router were glowing in the right colours I started my computer back up again. Success! I now had Internet. I quickly dealt with my email; then dragged myself back to bed. I had no energy.

When I woke up, more than 5 hours had passed. I still felt exhausted, but I got up and pushed myself to get something done.

I got busy with a few domestic tasks, then I finished our taxes and e-filed them. I went back to the computer and opened a document I had started a few days ago and did a little more work on it.

I spent some time reading; meditating and praying, and then crawled back into bed.

I need to talk to my doc. I have to make a critical decision. I know that the more I immerse myself in creative activities, such as my writing, the more I leave myself open to the mood cycles of bi-polar disorder. If I take too much medication, my creative process gets blocked.

I find I'm loving this writing business. I don't want to stop. I also don't want to go off the deep end. Where do I find the balance between the health risks of my creativity and stable mental health?

It's a good thing I had an appointment scheduled for this morning. I didn't know how much I would need it when I booked the appointment more than two months ago.

And by the way, everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt. 
 - Sylvia Plath

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